Marasim - Memories Woven in Melody

Mujhko bhee tarkeeb sikhade yaar julahe
Aksar tuhko dekha hai ek ek taana bunte
Jab koi taga toot gaya ya khatm hua, aur sira koi jod ke usmain aage bunne lagte ho
Ke tere is taane main ek bhee gaath girha bundar ki dekh nahi sakta hai koi
Maine to ek bar buna tha ek he rishta, lekin...
Uski saare girehain saaf nazar aateen mere yaar julahe
Mujhko bhee tarkeeb sikhade yaar julahe...

-- Gulzar
(Marasim means relations)

Urban Mozaik

An essay from one of my previous posts has been adapted and published in an online Magazine called Urban Mozaik. The essay can be read here. A big 'fanks' to the publishers, especially Emily.

Puuurfect Relationship... Serthern Styaale

Hey, here are a few tips on how to make your relationship puuuurfect... 'Serthern styaale' ;)

Sexual Haressment or Male Libido?

The following is a question mark to how many people define sexual harresment. So how does one defines it? How does one judge sexual harresment? The article might answer some questions...

"In the days prior to Christ, many believed homosexuality and unnatural sex like sodomy were horrendous crimes. Bible says that God even punished Sodom and Gomorra by fire from heaven, because they practiced homosexuality and anal sex. During the times of Jesus Christ and before, and in many countries even today, adultery is an offence punishable with death. Even the Indian Penal Code holds anal sex, homosexuality and adultery, all as punishable offences.
But, ought these sexual offences really be offences at all? And will they remain as an offence, fifty years from now? The answer to the first question to the vast majority of the masses could only be a definite "yes". The answer to the second question could be a definite "no". The concept of morality, right from the day when man moved out of his caves and lived as a society, evolved around sex. In the early stages of civilization or may be till very recently, the mighty, the rich and the powerful, always had the absolute freedom to enjoy any woman of his choice. Polyandry was the order. Monogamy became a virtue with the spread of Christianity and with the Europeans gaining control over the world by colonizing it. The Victorian Christian morality of monogamy became the universal yardstick of morality, though, monogamy is completely at variance with the way men's brains were "wired" or "programmed" by our genes.
Today scientists tell us that we humans have evolved from small mammals to monkeys, to ape to man. We are also told that 96% of the genes of pigs, 97.5% of Gorillas and 98.4% of Chimpanzees and of us are the same. We both men and women behave the way our brains have been "wired" over the millions of years. Like any other mammal, say lion, stallion, bull, tusker, a man too is aggressive. His first lookout is for food and then sex. Studies in mammals, say lions, cheetahs, stallions, bull, etc. and in humans have shown that like mammals the brain of man too is "wired" to impregnate as many healthy women as possible. A stallion, which is tired of mating the same female, will still enthusiastically mount on a new mare, if offered. One needs to visit the Pune's Stud Farms to observe this. A man who is happily married and had repeated satisfying sex with his wife would still be readily willing to mate if a healthy young woman is available. If he does not, it is not because he is not enthusiastic of the idea, but of external factors like, social environment, morality, religion etc. If he does not get enthused, it could be that the testosterone level in him is much lower. Almost 20% of men constitute this category of homosexuals and men of abnormally low libido.
A woman is not as polygamous as a man, except, a nymphomaniac, who constitutes only a small minority. The sexual drive in woman is low compared to a man. This is because the area devoted to sex in her brain is only 40% of that of a man. The brains of men and women are different. A man can have sex without love and can have a perfectly enjoyable sex with a woman who is a total stranger to him. Otherwise, red light streets would have been empty. The areas of his brain dealing with sex and love are different and unconnected unlike in women. The MRI/PET scans establish this. He behaves exactly like any dominant male mammal like lion, bull, ox, dog or rhino. All that his unconscious mind looks for is whether the woman is capable of conception. And a woman with 7 to 10 ratio of waist to hips is the woman with right curves, the healthiest and most ideal for conception. That is why belly dance where the curves are exposed is highly popular among men. Sex in woman is more in her ears. For a man it is much in his eyes. That is why men are so fond of nudity and throughout the history they were after pretty woman and fought many battles to possess them. Not alone men even the Gods, for Gods after all is only an imagination of man. A woman cannot think of sex without love for the areas of her brain relating to love and sex are interconnected.
That is why she cannot condone her man who has an adulterous relationship with another woman even when he swears that he has only a mere physical sex and no emotional relationship. She can think of sex only if she loves a man. She therefore does not believe him and breaks the relationship. Scientists say all relationships are initiated by men and broken by women.
A woman looks for emotional relationship, for a man who will protect her and her offspring during her pregnancy and thereafter. It is believed that humans could evolve from monkeys to a more intelligent species, homo sapiens, as over millions of years woman opted for intelligent men to mate with, than those merely stout. In those days women did consider the physical prowess of the men as well. Because the world then was full of dangers and her men ought to be fit enough to fight or chase away predators. The modern women too look for the physical strength in a man. Her unconscious mind can in 3 seconds decode the state of a man's immune system and find him attractive only if his immune system is complimentary to or stronger than of her own. She is attracted by men who are more resourceful, rich and powerful. That is why we often find Presidents and Prime Ministers and business tycoons and celebrities embroiled in sex scandal. High testosterone leads to success. Success leads to still higher testosterone levels. It is a pity to see them fall in disgrace as they cannot control their sex drive.
During the primitive days like in mammals, many men who were not strong and dominant enough were to die as virgins. Among mammals only the strongest alone can enjoy sex. And it has to prove itself to be so. They in the process get seriously maimed or even get killed as right to sex is exclusive to the winner. Females among some mammals like rhinos, dogs, etc. would still demand the successful male further establish the quality of its genes by making it further run for hours before sex. The nature may be cruel but it has a purpose. It wants the best genes alone to go down so that the species could continuously improve its strength and quality so that it does not get extinct. It also wants the strongest male with the best genes to sow it as vast as it could by impregnating as many females as possible. This has precisely happened in human as well. Had the weak and the meek equal sexual rights as the strong and powerful, the human species would not have survived. Today DNA helps us to trace the ancestry of a man to hundreds of years in the history. Scientists today could trace the DNA to the great warrior,Genghis Khan Mangolia. It appears that, during his life he had mated hundreds of women and he had thousands of children.
Science also tells us that woman seduces man and more so during ovulation and virtually jumps on him at that point of time where she has the highest chance of conception. How does a woman seduce a man? Her "unconscious mind" tells her that for a man what is paramount in him is not her richness, background and education but her curves, her healthy body. A man thinks about sex every 58 seconds and young men in their early 20s, with the high flow of testosterone in the blood, gets erection at every 5 minutes. So a woman seduces a man with her body, exposing her nakedness and showing her curves. Scientists have observed that woman on ovulations wears the most sexually explosive or seductive dress. She would wear the shortest of skirt and the top that would expose her assets. All this is not done by her conscious mind.
The seduction she resorts to she may not be realizing. Like animals, though in much lesser degree, we humans too have ability to assess the quality of genes of the opposite sex. An unconscious mind of a woman can gauge the immunity system of a man. Like that men too unconsciously get attracted to a woman who is ovulating. Our unconscious mind makes most of these decisions, both in men and women. However, we are unaware of that. Our society which is unduly influenced by the conservative Victorian Christian values and Islamic influence cannot reconcile with these basic biological factors.
Sex is the most passionate instinct in humans, next only to food. All the laws which the society had imposed on him are against his biology. Human beings are no longer the cave men; we cannot allow our behaviour to be solely guided by biology. If that were so, like the mammals, we will fight, kill or maim the competitor for sex. Even the word 'competitor' is incorrect. Male mammals, say a lion, stallion, bull or a monkey, which is closely related to humans, will fight to death for sex even when plenty of females are around for both the fighting males to mate with. Here, the nature wants only the strongest alone to procreate so that the best genes are passed down and the species constantly improve.
It is the very testosterone which is the cause for all sexual crimes and aggressiveness that has helped the human species to survive, fighting and killing enemies and dangers. However, in the modern world, unlike primitive days, testosterone has much less utility. Man today is facing a role reversal. He cannot succeed in life with aggressiveness. In many a business and profession to be successful, he needs to learn to handle things with smoothness and gentleness, the womanly skills. In the jungle world, his survival depended on his physical strength. Today his success depends on his ability to communicate soothingly. However, his brain is not wired for that. Millions of years he has spent in the jungles speechlessly for hours waiting for his prey. Today, the men's brain which is wired to lead a life in the jungle, hunting animals, is unsuitable for most of the modern day avocations. His spatial skills' use is limited to jobs requiring navigational skills. He could be good in engineering, mathematics, science, driving, sports, etc. But, in all other areas, men stand to great disadvantages. The government and the societies should recognize this biological incompatibility of a modern man with the surroundings he lives. And the laws should be shaped accordingly.
Unfortunately, the Courts and the law makers are completely disconnect with this reality. The Supreme Court, disturbed by the "growing" sexual harassment in work places, made a law banning sexual harassment in its celebrated judgment in Visakha's case. It defined sexual harassment as an "unwelcome, sexually determined:(a) physical contact and advances,(b) demand or request for sexual favors and(c) sexually colored remarks or any other physical/verbal or non-verbal conduct of a sexual nature".
This judgment of the Supreme Court is a much hailed one. It certainly is entitled for such acclaim going by the accepted social norms. But the said judgment is in complete disconnect with the biology. All men ogle at woman. And in terms of the Supreme Court's dictum, it is a sexual harassment. Woman too ogles at men. But they are never caught, because women with their wider peripheral vision can see all of a man without being seen as staring at him.
Men commit most crimes, murder, robbery, etc. He is unable to shape himself to the requirement of modern society. Because of the way his brain is wired, he continues to violate the sexual mores of the society. Even eminent men like John F. Kennedy, Bill Clinton etal are accused of being adulterous. Young men harass and sometimes even rape women. No law made by the society, however stringent, could be a solution. Repressive laws and social ethos can only aggravate the situation. Testosterone needs an outlet. That is good sex. And good sex is a health tonic too. Where sexual opportunities are repressed, the men find an outlet in aggression, crime and destructiveness.
We need a liberal approach to sexual morality as we cannot bring down the crimes and aggressiveness in our men by injecting estrogen, a soothing female hormone, except may be in the case of aggressive prisoners. It is equally unscientific to control the aggressiveness, crimes, particularly relating to sex by laws which are absolutely in disconnect with our biology. The Supreme Court in banning ogling, touching, sexually coloured remarks, etc., has completely ignored the biology. It is like expecting a lion not to taste meat. The biology of man requires him to take the initiative in a sexual relation with a woman. The woman's biology welcomes it. "Oxytocin", a hormone in women, generates a desire to be touched. Woman welcomes and enjoys all the sexual initiative by men, unless it denigrates into a crass behavior. Being ignored by men could even affect the psyche of a woman very badly.
The whole judgment was based on the Victorian concept of sexuality. The whole world today value the liberal sexual mores of India, the land of kamasutra and Ajanta caves. The fact that human beings are also mammals guided by our genes and our sexual behavior is guided by our unconscious mind based on the wiring of our brain was completely forgotten. Our unconscious mind which works at a supersonic speed cannot be influenced by any law or any judgment. The judgment of the Supreme Court has not helped in any manner in reducing sexual harassment at work places. And it will not. But, what is required is an attempt to evolve our social values in consonance with our biology and to make laws recognizing it. Our laws need to be completely overhauled. The all emphasis ought not to be on punishing people. Or in defining more heads of sexual offences or prescribing harsher punishment. The remedy lies in promoting liberal thinking. Accepting sex as a fact of life and not as a sin. And bringing in sexual education from upper primary classes and evolving a healthy concept of sex. Sex is so complex that no society could ever be free of sex related problems. Sexual problems and disorders ought to be accepted with a broader mind. Many sexual problems are amenable for treatment. They can be cured by medication and also by psychotherapy. The root cause of sexual offences should also be addressed. Rejection and lack of touch and love and violence at young ages produces sex offenders. Even pet patting therapy has worked wonders among sex offenders.
No law can suppress sexual desire or aggressiveness. On the contrary, a liberal society can better manage the male aggressiveness. Prostitution is the oldest of professions. It is made a crime in India. Not because, the Indian culture and tradition disapproved it. Prostitution was made an offence because of the British. British did so in those days because of the influence of the medieval Christianity on the then British society. For the medieval Christianity, sex was a sin. And the only exception was sex for procreation. Homosexuality was forbidden. Sodomy was unnatural sex. Oscar Wild had to go to jail for homosexuality. The British have changed with the times. Homosexuality is no more an offence. Sodomy is no more an unnatural sex and prostitution is not a great taboo. But India, after independence, refused to evolve into a liberal society. The British are only strict about pedophilia. But we are least concerned about that. We are concerned more about the morality of dance bars. We need to make an honest introspection. We must take a break from our hypocrisy. All men commit adultery at heart. They cannot be blamed for that because that is in their genes. But we must show the honesty to publicly standby what privately we swear. Those who for moral reasons still cannot think of legitimization of prostitution need only think of the words of Christ "whichever among you who have not sinned shall throw the first stone at her".
In India, Bombay is a case in hand. Unlike Delhi, prostitution is open and accepted by all, though not yet by law. And Bombay has fewer sexual crimes than Delhi where tracking prostitution in hushed up places is a lucrative business for the Police. Pedophilia, to my mind, is the most horrendous crime. They do it because of genetic disorders. They cannot distinguish between a matured woman and a child. But whatever be the reason, we cannot allow a pedophile to be let loose. The Police and the society must protect our innocent kids and girls from Pedophiles, rapists and other sex maniacs as if from a poisonous snake. Keep them in jail, treat them recognizing that their crime is because of their genes or upbringing, both. And don't release them till they are completely cured even if it means a life imprisonment.
Moralists and conservatives could ask: Are we humans mere animals? Hasn't God given us the power of knowing evil and good? The answer is: All will depend upon our genes. If our genes have that ability, we will. If not, not. May be, nature could also play a small role. Christ did not endorse any punishment by man. He abhorred judging another. Great as he was, he knew the futility of punishment and asked for forgiveness of the sinner. He practiced it to perfection by his last words on the cross: Lord forgive them for they know not what they are doing."

© CNN-IBN

This article is reproduced from CNN-IBN's website. The original writer is Mathews J Nedumpara

Biji Da Bioscope - II

Continued from the previous post...

Biji is a lil' bewildered these days even sad. She desperately wants to go back to her native Jamshedpur. But she can't go right now; she has to wait till my cousin arrives in India from Holland. So a few days back Biji somehow recalled that her daughter (my aunt) from Amritsar was here and while leaving she asked Biji to come stay for a few days with her. Now Biji wants to go to Amritsar. But still the problem stays - who will take Biji to Amritsar? I asked her the same question. By the way, for the past 10 days or so Biji has occupied by bed (and room) while I sleep in another. And while I sit in front of my computer she keeps talking to me, keep asking me questions. The other day she woke up 6 in the morning (while I was still on my computer) and in a fit started to walk out of the bed. "I must tie up the calves or they may escape", she shouted, perhaps recalling an distant past when they used to rare cattle’s in their house’s veranda. So since Biji's long term memory is as solid as ever she clearly remembers she used to have calves and if not tied might go out looking for fodder. She still remembers the river in her native village in Punjab, the fields, some names from the village and her brother (whom she calls bhaa). But she has trouble with the number and names of her kids.

From what my mother tells me, Biji was not the most kindest mothers. She would make her daughters do most of the work. And the lazy ones needed to get used to the music if the work's not done according to her. And well to be frank her attitude hasn't changed even till today. She wants things done her way or they don't happen. She frequently curses her body for not being fit as she would have liked it to be so she doesn’t have to be dependent on others for moving. She is also a bold woman. Modesty is not in her character. If offered something new most of the time she shows a pretending disinterest - "Angoor da ki khanaa?" (what to eat of grapes?) she says whenever I bring her a bowl full of grapes. But then if you leave the bowl, you'll find it empty in no time. She wants her pills all at the right time and any delay is not met with any outer courtsey. The other day she asked mom this - "Apne aadmi nu keh ki mainnu 60 Rs deve, mainu ticket khareedni hai" (Tell you man to give me 60 Rupees, I need to a buy a ticket).
She is also apparently searching for her money, which her brother (???)(he’s no more) gave her at a wedding but has been confiscated by her son (where she was staying earlier). Also the other day I asked her if she can stay alone for a while while I needed to take my mother to the hospital. “Yes”, she said. After a few minutes we dropped the plan. An hour later, while Mum was in the kitchen she walked up to her and asks “Tennu hospital nahi janna apne deor de naal?” (Aren’t you going to go to the hospital with your brother-in-law (??? WTF mate).

Biji Da Bioscope

Hello to all of you reading this blog. Before I start with anything, I want to apologize to the regular and not so regular readers of this blog for not being able to update it with regular posts. But at the same time I also thank some of you for their encouragement to help me keep this blog alive.

For the past one week or so I and my family have a guest and rather not a usual one. My mother calls her 'Biji', a Punjabi word for mummy, I have taken a clue from her since I was a kid and call her (and my paternal grandmother) by the same name, albeit both are my grandmothers. A few posts back I wrote about her. She is over 80 and has trouble walking and climbing the stairs. We brought her from my uncle's house where she has been staying for the past 3 months. The last time we went bring her to our home we returned empty handed for she didn't recall calling us the previous night to come and take her. Being in her 80 her voice has gone a little course and most of the time her utterances are almost a murmur. Most of the time she talks to us when she needs something, water for example or when she needs to go to the bathroom. Initially when she came she had trouble using the facility but now she's ok. But she still needs someone to guide her till the door for she can't remember the location every time. Same goes for her room. She just starts walking in one or the other direction till she reaches one of the three doors. Then she would stand there and stare at anybody who's sitting inside through her high powered glasses which makes her eyes look like a golf ball. "Where is my quilt?" she would ask with weary eyes. "Did you change the bed sheet too", she continues. "No, Biji, you have come to the wrong room, your room(which apparently is my room) is to the other side", we would tell her. For a split second she would stare in disappointment at us, perhaps saddened at her own mistake, after all she has walked almost 10 steps on her own. "Acha! It’s on the other side?", she would realize and takes a U-turn in 2 steps and start walking in the opposite direction. I usually take hand and guide her through lest she this time walks up to the mail door and ask us to open it. The other day I woke on my parent’s bed where I've been sleeping for quite a few days and grabbed the newspaper, Mum and Dad were out while my sister was in the bathroom. Mum instructed me to take care for her before she left. Biji turns up suddenly at the door and asks me to show her the way to the toilet to which I obliged. I brought her at the door, opened it and lit the bathroom and said "Ok Biji, go in". She looked at me with a puppy dog expression and said "No, I don't want to go there, I'm going to the room", and just whisked off indifferently; I just stood there, staring at her audacity...

To be continued in the next post...

The U-Turn

Delhi, two weeks back...
and then suddenlythen autumn arrived...

but just when you thought it's over...

and this is today morning...


.... thats "Dilli ki Sardi" for you... savour it while you can...

Assorted Pictures

Assortment of pictures from the Surajkund Crafts Mela...

A Small World

As I boarded route No. 85 from my house to go to Mandi House (where Doordarshan, India's national broadcaster's headquarters are located) and then on to my ex-employer's office in Patel Nagar by Métro, I settled in a shabby looking seat in the third row from the front. I purchased a ticket for Barakhamba Road from where I would get a Metro to my destination. A near two or three stops later I was deep in my thoughts, as I always am when I take public transport, they always give you a sense of loneliness which in the midst of the most pathetic rush. You just have to purchase a ticket and you are left alone with your thoughts (though not always with your wallet). Still in thoughts I observe the doorway. A clean looking gentleman with a tidy pair of blazer and trousers rise up from the staircase of the doorway. He makes his way towards me and before I could observe his face clearly he comes and sits by me. I move, towards the window, I do not want him to feel unwelcome. He is at odds with the majority of gentry which uses public transport in Delhi. He is well groomed, middle aged and most importantly he's with a hard covered book. Had he been with a moustache and a pipe I could have easily mistook him for military colonel. I try to glance at the cover while trying my best not to make him conscious. He was reading English Cricket Collections while in the middle pages of the book. As time passed my curiosity increased. Why would a gentleman from a well to do family take the shabby public transport? If he can afford a tidy blazer, trousers and a hard cover book he must have a car too? Sitting adjacent I even had trouble seeing his face, but he was cleanly shaved and wore a pair of three piece glasses. While I was thinking the bus took a right turn. Any one who has even once traveled in Delhi's buses knows that they are nothing less that a roller coaster ride. The gentleman grabbed the next seat's handle to remain intact in his space least he could fall down on the aisle. The hand therefore remained there permanently, for he knew he'll have to use it more frequently from now on. By now I had almost lost my curiosity just when I realized that his watch with the white dial had The Hindu written on it. "Does he work for The Hindu?”I asked myself. No, but it could also be a gift or a prize he could have won from the newspaper, the 'other' inside me shrugged. But then he is also reading...that too in a bus, is there a connection? I tried to ask but I was inhibited. I started to look through the grainy glass window of my seat. Few moments passed and the spark of curiosity had grown much stronger this time. But I was still inhibited. Even if he does works in the Hindu and I do ask him the question, what if he just answers me with a "hmmm" and keeps reading his book. I shall be so ashamed of myself; I can't even induce a person into a conversation. I was down and out again. The outer world again seemed better than a failed conversation. Moments passed and I did nothing. After a while I glanced at his watch again and asked "Sir, do you work with the Hindu?". "Huh", the gentleman replied. "Do you work for the Hindu, Sir?". "Yes", he said while looking perplexed. “How he knows that by the book I'm reading”, he must have thought to himself. I gave an obvious glance towards his watch. "Oh, yes, I work with The Hindu", he repeated, this time with a sign of relief and an obvious smile. "Why are you a journalist too?", he asked. "Not right now, Sir but I studied journalism.", I replied.
- "From Where?
-"From University of Poona, Sir"
-"Ooooo"
-" And are you working here now?"
-"Not at the moment Sir, but I did earlier"
-"Which section do you work for?", I asked after a brief pause.
"I work in the sports section", he replied. I greeted him with an obvious smile while looking at his book. In the mean while, the driver did what Delhi's drivers are best at doing- overtaking. "What the hell is he doing? How is he driving?", the gentleman said in disgust. "Look how he overtook the other bus and stopped right in front of his face." I was not really interested to talk about how big of a maniacs Delhi's bus drivers are with a guy from Hindu. I was greedy, I wanted to know more about the newspaper. "Though it's not the first newspaper the masses pick up but I'm regular reader of you newspaper", I said trying to augment the conversation. "I find Hindu's editorials quite interesting", I said out of common perception of his newspaper rather than my own intellectual gauging of the same. He nodded in style. "It caters to a certain class", I continued. For a while we talked about common perceptions of some of India's prominent daily newspapers. But the driver was not far from our conversation, he applied the brakes, to the bus and to our stream of conversation too. "The Government is replacing this fleet of 'Dabbas' in a few years; all this will be replaced by high capacity buses in 2 years, before the common wealth games. We can't get these goons drive our public transport, who knows he might even have a criminal record", he fumed. I was curious if he was from Delhi so I asked him for how long has he worked for the Hindu? "Oh! it's been 22 years now", he said with a sense of nostalgia... I lost all my desire to ask him if he's from Delhi or not. Later on the topic moved to anything from location of Hindu's office to how they recruit people. "All the newspapers have their own schools these days, the Times has Times school of journalism in Delhi, the Hindu has Asian School of journalism in Chennai and so on... that is where they recruit the new entrants from. Even India Today is coming with a Tabloid now, you must apply for that".
-"I will, Sir, but does the Hindu takes interns or recruits from outside?", I asked
-"Yes sure, you can always send in your résumé to the editor."
My stop was near now, but I was not done with my interview session. Should or shouldn't I ask for his contact address. I was gripped in a state of confusion. After all how much should a veteran like him trust a guy he has just met in a 16 km bus journey? I took out cell phone in order to find a way to ask his e-mail address but I was too hesitant. I didn't had much time, my stop was now a minute away.
-"Sir can I have your e-mail address please?", I asked in an utter dilemma.
"Oh sure...but wait... I'll rather give you my card. Here is my e-mail and my cell phone number, both." he said, offering his card.
I was flabbergasted, but I didn't had much time to react, "Nice meeting you Sir but my stop is here, I must go..." I said in a haste and whisked off.